I'm in what would be called a mixed state most likely and yes, this is very much how I feel. I've been murdered internally......a part of my soul has been swallowed and shat out in an unrecognizable form. I'm no longer me, I don't know this person. I don't relate to this person. I don't want to know or be this person. People have it much worse and this in no way consoles me.....I'm gone. I'm sorry you are suffering too and hope you find your way out. Lead the way if you do. (((Hugs)))