Hi, punkphotography
I have recently found out that I may have some schizophrenic disorders ex specially the paranoid version,
ironically mine are hypersensitive to religious topics and I feel haunted and have delusions of supernatural presence,as well as some hallucinations. Thought I'd share a little.

Anyway, the above disorders are compounded by others and my mind has been changing rapidly.....I do however have a ability to adapt to the world around me since most know of my problems and I am nonviolent and never have been and have very strong feelings against violence....as well I feel I have lived my life in a dream and have become very good at adapting to other topics and just go through the motions.

My views on religion may be disturbing to some, so please "all" remember these are just "my" views.

Your post triggered me since I have been starting to think it is possible that God "is or controls" the Devil also...I believe in both.
Disturbing to most believers I am sure.

I started to piece this together from Isaiah....were God says, I make peace and create calamity (terror) I the lord do all these things...then started to think about the creation of Lucifer whom he created as one of his best Angels to start....and granted him the consciousness to make his own "choices"..like us. All along knowing the path he would take before he took it. Obviously he had his reasons, I guess to distinguish good on earth he would have to distinguish evil first. So "he" made the "choice" to create Lucifer.

Bare with me since I may can help get them out off you, since I actually feel I have perception of things most don't.

As a child I had times I wished I was never born (created) and often wonder had Satan ever felt the same..or does he just serve his purpouse without any emotion.

Later God called a meeting with his sons in Job...and Satan came to...but before he could temp Job he had to ask permission...showing me that no act can be done without the ok of God first...so there could never be a war between them in my opinion...and there would never be terror without God creating or oking it first.

I have been shunned from my religious community for some of my veiws, and comprehension...they pity me but on the contrary I pity them.

The bible teaches that when you love the ones that love you back you gain nothing since sinners and non believers even can do this but when you do good and show love to those that hate and spitfully persecute you, you have gained.

I often wonder if Satan was shown the same compassion..."not followed or worshiped to be very very clear" that we are expected to show to humans...is there a gain...would he change and take the other path if given the same chance as humans?...or is he just calamity brought forth from the power of God so God would have to forgive his self.

It is taught that God is perfect and makes no mistakes...but I know he was sorry for what he had done and felt he made a mistake, which shows remorce to me......because he pretty much said so twice in my opinion .....right before he destroyed the world the first time.

Anyway sorry if this don't relate.....but I cant help but feel more compassion for the parents of all the 2 year olds that were sacraficed for Jesus...after Herods orders...since they had no choice...Jesus not only had the choice but knew he would rise agin. So who really made the ultimate sacrafice?

I know the worlds sins were on him but........If I lost a 2 year old like all those people did, for him, I could never follow.

Then theres the common knowledge by most scholars of things in the genealogys etc.....but I wont go on ......

For all these thoughts and many many more I am haunted and often wish I could just not believe......but the dilusions stay as well as some hallucinations and they are getting worse...so dispite the overwhelming evidence of evolution...God stays with me and show me his answers to this as well, I feel.....and I am blessed beyond belief, but am still in constant terror from things that I can see.

Try to take control and dont be afraid to stand up to but not against God if you ever do believe...I think he likes the challenge...as well as challenging...and has put a carbon copy of himself in each one of us...the good and bad

sorry all if none of this makes since to you, I will try to focus on other things next time I post