Dear M

There were a few days over the weekend where you didn't exist anymore. I couldn't remember your face or your voice, and I pulled up your picture hoping I'd feel something but instead was like "huh, who's this S.O.B.?"

I'm back to my regular old attachment and I'm glad. There are times when remembering you is the only thing that gets me through the day.

I was tired at my gig this weekend and in my exhaustion agreed to share a host family next week with the guy you said I have bad boundaries with. He keeps pushing me and I don't like him but it's hard for me to say no. And I do need a place to stay, and it would be better for us to be able to share a ride there so I don't have to drive myself, and he keeps referring me for jobs that I need so I want to be nice.... but I'm scared and I feel sick. He asked me to go hiking before the concert on Friday and I agreed to that too! Because I've been dying to go hiking for months! Just not with him!

I'm angry with me. I hope you aren't angry with me. I want to talk it over with you but I'm scared, because the first time I brought up this guy was the session that you said that horrible, awful thing.