Hi, thank you for responding and thanks for the congrats. I do believe in the saying, 'You are your own worst enemy'. I'm harder on myself than anyone is on me-i hate myself so much and still believe i deserve it.
I get jealous when I see people happy bc I feel like I can't achieve that place of happiness.
Thanks for the suggestions. I can try listening to classical music, however i'm not living in a good enough neighborhood to just walk about (makes me paranoid to go out). I could try exercise in general if that has the same effect! I'm always in a state of emotional/physical exhaustion though so it might be hard to get in the habit.