If I died today, I wouldn't have friends to attend my funeral, and people say nice things about me. They would say at best we didn't know him well. I know that I wouldn't feel or hear anything then, but the idea of how would my funeral be now makes me feel that I haven't lived my life as a normal person, which makes me feel sad and angry. I don't know one person who has no friends or social life like me. And I mean literally zero friends and no active social life. I know I and only I can change things, but ... this won't happen ... any time soon anyway ...