Hi Amanda

I'm sorry you've been struggling so much, but it is so good that you've felt able to share this in getting some support

I'd say that some "days", it's true, you might not be able to see/believe in the "light at the end of the tunnel" as in eventual peace, solitude, freedom from struggle however much you want to...........but in those times it may help to try to look/hope for/dream of the snippets of those things......that may be easier to see/believe in..........and some snippets can/will come......and we can hope that in time or gradually they will last longer/build into more/overtake the.........so more about taking things one day at a time and really focusing on making it through the day the best way you can.........knowing that there can be more

As for not looking forward to the wedding or trip (or maybe much at all??).........well depression can take those feelings away............but how about looking at it differently for now/today...........there is no law that says that you have to/should look forward to those things especially if you're depressed...........but if you can accept that they are coming up and bear in mind there's a chance that you might enjoy something of them when they happen and for now/today.............try to think of something you might look forward to...........plan yourself something, however tiny, something that might help even just a tiny bit...........or even look forward to a time when you're going to be able to make it on here and share with us exactly how things are feeling for a little support........because we care

Alison