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Originally Posted by ajisalone
Thank you for the suggestions and the congrats.
I think I'll try listening to classical music. I've recently gotten a ukulele (like last week) and started practicing for the first time yesterday. I actually got into it and started to enjoy it, which is rare lately. 
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Very cool about the ukulele! I would imagine there might be some excellent ukulele music hosted on Youtube and maybe you can find a collection of pieces that both inspire and RELAX you (your mind)
As far as Classical music is concerned.... My favorite composers are Vivaldi and Chopin.... Vivaldi has a baroque style sound - I especially like his cello, violin, and flute concertos (but he has a HUGE library and variety of compositions). Chopin primarily composed piano works and his pieces can be very relaxing to listen to (especially his Nocturnes and Waltzes). You can find long playlists or compilations for both of these composers on Youtube. Also, if you have cable TV in your home, there should be a wide range of music-only stations listed somewhere in your channel line-up - and there will most certainly be a Classical station (this is actually how I discovered my favorite composes and what I liked/enjoyed best)...
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Originally Posted by ajisalone
I can't really take long walks outside.. I don't live in a very good neighborhood, so it would make me extremely paranoid (if you know anything about Detroit, Michigan). I am overweight and exercise in general could really benefit me. I can try exercising maybe? Will it have the same effect?
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I see, and I understand... I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to walk around in neighborhoods/environments like that... Do any of the local schools have a track that would be safe to walk on? As far as other forms of exercise that might have a similar effect - I'm thinking maybe using an exercise bike? It would mimic the same repetitive motion (on both sides of the body) as walking creates... But regardless, any form of exercise that you can get into and which works for you - that would be beneficial for you I think!
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Originally Posted by ajisalone
Hi, thank you for responding and thanks for the congrats. I do believe in the saying, 'You are your own worst enemy'. I'm harder on myself than anyone is on me-i hate myself so much and still believe i deserve it.
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You absolutely
do not deserve it... However you've probably felt this way for so long and it's deeply ingrained and has in essence become a part of your 'sense of self'... Perhaps you can't imagine yourself feeling any differently than you currently do (I've been there!). At some point you may find yourself getting so fed up with feeling this way (about yourself) that you finally reach the point where you are ready to let go of some of your former beliefs and ways of perceiving - and you push yourself in a new direction and explore new territory....
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Originally Posted by ajisalone
I get jealous when I see people happy bc I feel like I can't achieve that place of happiness.
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Please understand that what you observe of others behavior in public settings is not a good nor reliable indication of their overall condition or state of being. Most people modify and tailor their behavior in public because they are concerned about how others will react to them if they operate in ways that may draw attention or concern. Many people have to make an effort to put on their 'happy face' while at work or in front of friends/relatives because they do not want to reveal the sensitive nature of emotions they may be struggling with privately. Some people are overly concerned with their imagined reputations - how they look in the eyes of others. So they deliberately act in ways in public which are intended to give off a specific impression. And on social media you see people posting specific types of photos that are intended to showcase only certain elements of their life experience - while avoiding/neglecting others. Again, this simply gives off an incomplete picture... When we do not recognize the depth and complexity of the human life experience - we are prone to being a bit misled by the more superficial and surface-level observations...
I myself was able to put on my 'normal face' and appear to be living a normal adolescent life - meanwhile I was privately and seriously struggling inside. But people would not have known this because I hid that from others and my outward appearance was not a reflection of how I truly was feeling within (I was hurting/struggling). So please keep all of this in mind next time you see people who appear to be 'happy' and you start to experience feelings of jealousy coming on. These very same individuals who appear 'happy' in public could be seriously struggling and suffering behind closed doors and when no one is around to observe them. In fact I would actually encourage people to do away with the word 'happy' altogether and remove it from their vocabulary - why? Because I think there are a lot of unrealistic ideas associated with that term...