You know, you and I are a lot alike. I have a very successful career, get great grades when I'm in school, I spend about 15 hours a week on nonprofit work, and it feels like an ethical responsibility to me to contribute to charities every year. I make being responsible look easy. My husband has never had the self confidence for a career outside of retail, struggles in school barely pulling off Cs and Ds despite trying hard and being brilliant, and neither volunteers nor makes contributions - it's just not that important to him. He has a lot of interests that take up his time (mostly outdoor sports like snowboarding, mountainbiking, skateboarding) but after the first year or two with him, I stopped participating in his interests altogether. It doesn't mean I'm not interested, but I just have my own interests and we've learned to respect that about each other. He definitely has had to work hard at feeling good about himself and to stop comparing his progress to mine, but it was very rough for a number of years. With enough therapy, he's doing much better with it, which is the only reason I'm reading some of this stuff into your situation.

I think finding some mutual interests would be a good idea, rather than you keeping tabs on the compromises. But maybe don't try too hard - if what we're suspecting is true, then he may be giving all he can at the moment...