Hope you're still reading the forum Loner_girl...

I spent years and years of my life rejecting myself, all because of certain things I didn't like about my physical appearance - which I couldn't change and couldn't find acceptance for.... It was very painful and caused me a lot of suffering... Why was it so painful? Because I was operating with a state of awareness in which I thought I was my physical body! I thought my physical body was my identity, I thought that's who I was! So it's like I couldn't live with myself (who I thought I was)... I thought that was my highest identity... And you know what else I did, which you may be able to relate to? What I was doing all that time is that I was subconsciously projecting my own self-generated criticisms and harsh judgements of myself INTO the minds of others, and then feeling like others were perceiving me in the same light as I can been perceiving myself. And it was this subconscious psychological habit that was creating the perception that everyone else was seeing me as I was seeing myself - and this created the illusion of reinforcing how I found myself feeling...

A major life event that I experienced would prove to serve as a turning point for me concerning this lifelong struggle. A close family member unexpectedly & suddenly passed on - and I found myself in a position where I was starting to experience an existential crisis. I had to find out what this 'life' was all about and I had to find out what becomes of us after physical 'death'. So over the next many years that followed - I found myself on this mission of seeking & searching - for higher truth... Reading, questioning, contemplating, self-reflecting (introspection), etc... It wasn't a constant practice for me, but something I would keep returning to time and time again. As far as reading literature, I found myself particularly drawn to and interested in the Near-Death Experience literature. I would find myself spending time contemplating what it might be like to experience a state of being in which one was detached from the physical body and essentially removed from the context & circumstances of this temporary human lifetime. I didn't know this at the time, but what I was gradually doing over the years was integrating a spiritual (non-physical) awareness into my state of consciousness - and this 'shift' that was unfolding within me was simultaneously weakening and disempowering my preexisting strong identification with my physical identity. I was discovering within myself that there was something MORE to 'me' - something which supersedes and transcends the 'physical me' that I could not live with and could not find acceptance for.

I could write pages about my experiences (also because I'm long-winded), but to make my long story shorter - essentially what happened is that my years of inner-work, searching/seeking, and self-discovered ended up igniting an internal process within me which would ultimately lead to my complete healing and finally the realization of my higher nature & identity... This was how I was healed of my former suffering. I had to break my very strong identification with my physical body and my physical mind (brain) as a 'source of self'... But I needed something to take its place - and that is why the inner-work, contemplation, and self-discovery was necessary. Now I am experiencing a state in which I KNOW that I am not my physical body - there is no more rooting my 'sense of self' in my physical body. This (for me) is now a state of awareness and not a matter of belief. There is no more pain/suffering over those former insecurities because now I know that I am not my body or appearance - that I am something much more than that. So there is no more feeling of self-rejection being generated. Those things that I previously couldn't find acceptance for I now simply perceive and view as a temporary inconvenience - and human life is full of temporary inconveniences... I know now that such a temporary condition is no threat to the real me!

I absolutely understand that just reading words like mine will not have a significance effect on a person and will not change their present condition. However the emphasis here is that this is an internal process of healing which will come about over time and that the answers/solutions will come from WITHIN you. It will come about through evolving your state of awareness (state of consciousness). You don't have to change a thing about your body... You are not your body! Your body is like a set of clothes that your Soul (Consciousness / Energy) temporary wears for awhile and then eventually discards... I always say now, "There's no sense in getting too attached to your body because you can't take it with you when you leave here!"...



Lastly, I just want to point out and emphasize that I didn't know what I was doing over all those years I was (in actuality) working towards my eventual healing. I didn't know exactly what steps to take - I didn't have a plan - I didn't know where things were headed or what the final outcome would be. Nope, it was like I was searching around in the dark for an unknown treasure.... Sometimes you have to look everywhere for something before you end up finding 'it'... So please don't feel discouraged if you can't wrap your mind around how you are going to heal yourself. That's okay and that's natural. Over time your instincts and your intuition will gently steer and guide you in directions that end up contributing to your long sought after liberation...