Hi Lady Shadow,
I understand how you feel. I think religion is the set of beliefs we have set in place to deal with this world (ritual and such) and spirituality is the immaterial we think about, dealing with the soul. I grew up in the church and I still go, Sunday School and regular services, and sometimes Bible Study. Most times, I think I have the ritual down. I have experienced feelings like you described, and I felt like a fraud that is going to be punished. Right now, I have that idea kind of worming through my brain.

I agree with Wild Coyote, “Spiritual experiences feel more intense with hypomania/mania. It's possible to have both a spiritual experience and mania.” The hypomania/mania enhances the spiritual experience. When I’m manic and have a spiritual experience, it’s like being pleasantly drunk.

I think that you haven’t stepped under the street light again. I like to think God as a street light or rather one of those large flood lights in a Walmart parking lot. We move but He, She, or It doesn’t. The intensity is always the same, but our proximity changes. You know the light is there, and you are looking for it. You definitely have a soul, but you are having some “technical difficulties” right now. You only need faith the size of a mustard seed to do great things. I feel that things will become better and more clear for you.

Stay well!