thanks guys, i appreciate it
im hoping to be able to get refered to someone with a lot of experience with dissociation... since through all my reading and stuffs i thinks that is what part of the issue is so i wanna go with that.

im trying really hard to keep my head above water, but you know.. this aint no water park you know..
im using ever gun in the bag, every tool i have to cope... even trying to invent new ones and im hoping something clicks soon because i dunno how long i can sustain... this state... shell shock... or whatever is that is happening to me...?

nervous breakdown ya know... but im good right now, besides being suicidal and in pain and cynical lol
but what can you do, thats just 1 part of me, there are lots of other parts goin on

me really sleepy.. gonna go lay down and try to have good d reams..

ps:
no offense with the word part, i just rambling