How other people would categorize her behavior kind of doesn't matter. Other people don't have to live with her. If you are finding that you really hate the way she talks to you, then that's a perfectly good reason to decide you don't want to be there.

It's setting the bar really low to say "I expect my partner to not emotionally abuse me." Of course that should be an expectation. but don't you also expect to feel emotionally supported. Sounds like you don't think you're getting that.

During an argument, if she says everything is your fault, why does that become truth to you? Why is her opinion worth more than yours? If you need her approval before you can feel okay about you, then you have a deeper problem that was there before she came along.

Small children really can't feel good about themselves in the absence of approval from their caretakers. It is horribly abusive for a parent to denigrate a child who depends on that parent. The child is stuck there. As an adult, you are with someone because you choose to be. Sometimes, we find out a few years into a relationship that the person we are with is not caring in the way that we thought they were. That's when it's okay to say, "I made a mistake. This person does not offer what I need. I am going to have to leave." I don't think people change very much.

I think it's futile to expect that the person you're with should become who you want them to be. They probably can't.

Your fiancee was drawn to you probably because you meet a need she has. There are people in this world (lots of them) who are pretty much focused only on what they need.

If you want her to see you as a person of worth, you have to believe that yourself first. If you are depending on her to give you the ability to feel good about you, then you are placing yourself in the position of a child and regarding her as though she were parenting you.