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Originally Posted by Rose76
Other people don't have to live with her. If you are finding that you really hate the way she talks to you, then that's a perfectly good reason to decide you don't want to be there.
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You are absolutely correct there when you say nobody else has to live with her, so they wouldn't know/understand what it's like until you are in that position yourself.
Yes, she talks down to me and says a lot of put-downs etc. I never moan to her about things and feel like I have always got to be on 'my best behaviour' just incase it upsets her which is very draining.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It's setting the bar really low to say "I expect my partner to not emotionally abuse me." Of course that should be an expectation. but don't you also expect to feel emotionally supported. Sounds like you don't think you're getting that.
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Of course I should feel emotionally supported, which I did maybe for the first year and a half of our relationship. She doesn't show interest in my interests and won't support me as in attending say a sports game I play in because 'she doesn't want to sit I a field and be cold!!' She won't attend anything I am in because it doesn't suit her but always, always do I fully support her in her interests and affairs. It is very one sided.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
During an argument, if she says everything is your fault, why does that become truth to you? Why is her opinion worth more than yours? If you need her approval before you can feel okay about you, then you have a deeper problem that was there before she came along.
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Sometimes after an argument it seems true to me because I genuinely think she has brainwashed me and also 'gaslit' me into believing everything is my fault. In a way blaming me for everything and not taking responsibility for anything herself.
Her opinion seems to be worth more than mine because she is the domineering of the two of us and I am more of a 'follower' type of person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
I think it's futile to expect that the person you're with should become who you want them to be. They probably can't.
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Exactly. I feel that she is trying to mould me into the person she wants me to be and not accepting me for who I actually am.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
Your fiancee was drawn to you probably because you meet a need she has. There are people in this world (lots of them) who are pretty much focused only on what they need.
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More fool me!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
If you want her to see you as a person of worth, you have to believe that yourself first. If you are depending on her to give you the ability to feel good about you, then you are placing yourself in the position of a child and regarding her as though she were parenting you.
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So do you mean I should stand up for myself more?