I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. You must be terribly hurt. You need to sit down with your brother and let him know how his actions are impacting you. Maybe he can tell you some of what he is feeling as well. You also need to sit down with a therapist to process these feelings so you don't feel the need to self harm. I am so sorry. You are not alone. You have a lot of support on this forum. Are you strong enough to ask your brother for a sit down? Thinking of you.....