I am so very, very sorry that you are going through this. Physical illness on top of mental illness and this kind of stress is a triple whammy. Was it ever a possibility of living with your father? I like your father's advice to avoid her when possible and your thoughts of moving out and away. Would it be possible to have a sit down conversation with you mom or is she too far gone? How about your brother? Would a sit down help? Finally, do you have a therapist to help you process these feelings so you don't self harm and see that this says something about them, not about you? Again, I am so very sorry you're going through this. It must be very confusing and painful. I wish I could just wrap you up in a big hug right now. You are not alone. You have a lot of support on this board. Thinking of you...