I frequently get depressed and come out of it. This time a year ago I was doing so much better. I do well for weeks, even a few months at a time. Now I can't sustain being okay. I've lost track of how many times today I've broken down crying. I don't let my S/O even see me like that. He's very unwell and getting worse. He's just started to not beable to walk from one room to another. I put him in the wheelchair at times now. I know he's only going to continue deteriorating. I've been caring for him for over 3 years almost full time. Lately, I'm just falling apart inside. I'm starting to wish I was dying too.