Well, marriage is not easy, it's not easy because a lot of people get married young, early twenties and a person does grow a lot during their twenties. It's not unusual to love someone, yet outgrow them. No one plans it either. Don't be hard on yourself for looking back and seeing some things you should have done. A lot of people go through that where they look back and see the problems that they somehow missed.

From what I am reading, you and your wife have become "strangers", you grew apart gradually not really realizing it. Truth is, life changes us gradually whether we like it or not. The woman you married is not the woman you see now either. She has grown and changed over those ten years and from what you have been describing, she doesn't want to go back to who she was before, it was not fulfilling for her. She must have felt trapped too. That can happen when your partner is just a room mate and then goes away and one is left alone. Even though one marries into the military life, that doesn't mean that kind of life is fulfilling enough.

I agree with you in that some of her choices are not wise or healthy. Yet, what I am also reading from what you shared is how much she doesn't want "you" to have any say in what she chooses to do. Honestly, its a lot like when a child is ready to leave home and no longer wants the parents to tell them what to do anymore. One can love a parent yet at the same time want to get away from that parent telling them what to do and even to have to report where one is going, for how long, and with whom.

If a person goes right from living at home and into a marriage, the chances of their coming to a point where they want more freedom is more likely to happen too. That desire to break free from having someone else controlling is often what breaks up marriages. It's something a lot of couples don't necessarily understand on a conscious level either. This often does happen in the early thirties too.