It's hard to tell due to all of the trauma.
I thought about suicide a lot as a young child, even though I had a very happy exterior and was very popular in school.
I know I had my first relentless depression at approx. 16 y.o.
It was bad. Couldn't go to school. Finished school on independent study with a tutor. I was in/on the bed for the most part of probably two years. No meds helped. Things have never been the same; they've been drastically different.
I am wondering how I've gotten through the past 50 years of this. It hasn't been easy, for sure. I'm tired.

WC