BBarb, thanks for your honest disclosure. It was a very hard thing to share, I'm sure.

Nope, you're not alone. I think it's not uncommon for sexual abuse victims to have some odd sexual reactions as adults or be drawn to the dominance/submission aspects of BDSM. Though I have to say, I hear these reactions more from men than women (I have no idea why that is and it's certainly not true accross the board).

The important part is how you react. Accidental arousal during a disturbing story happens, nothing to be ashamed of. Acting on that arousal in an inappropriate way (or even idealizing the story for sexual gratification) is not.

How we react sexually is not a purely conscious event so I think your T is right, it's hard to change those spontaneous reactions. The important part is that you find a safe, healthy way to find sexual satisfaction that neither harms anyone or makes you feel bad about yourself.

Cyran0