Niccpa,

I read your post late last night and slept on it, thought about it today, and perhaps I have a little more insight to offer.

It takes a strong person to walk away from such a relationship for their own mental health and well-being. It takes even more strength to stay. The fact that you want to help David and be there for him is very touching... I can't explain how I feel... just that I know that what you are going through is very very difficult.

On my best days, I feel ashamed by the way I have responded to and treated the people around me. I cannot control the anger when I trigger. I am just very grateful for the friends and family, my husband, my kids, who continue to love me, even though they are afraid and do not understand.

I think that one important thing for you to do is to make sure that you have outside support for yourself. In other words, have a life apart from David... don't allow his PTSD to become who you are. I think there is a fine line between love and co-dependency. But the fact that you have posted here and want to understand more about PTSD shows that you are not just clinging to a relationship out of co-dependency. You are a very brave woman.

So maybe the most important things for you to do right now are to learn as much as you can about PTSD, the triggers, the effects, etc. David is never going to be the same. No one with severe PTSD is ever going to be the same. If you have made the choice to abide alongside him, and it sounds like you have, understand that there will be times when you will need to back away and give David space. Try not to confront him about things... I have found that confrontation increases the feelings of shame and hopelessness and sometimes spirals me back into the dark void. Make sure that you are safe... that he is not physically hurting you. And know when to walk away. Sometimes space is important.

For me, just having someone to be there when I woke from my horrific nightmares was major consolation. It takes several minutes for me to readjust to my surroundings when I come out of a nightmare or flashback. But it was comforting to have someone there, even if that person didn't say anything or do anything. It helped me separate the insanity from reality.

Anyway, take care of yourself. And keep talking. Maybe post more in the PTSD forum, because that is where I am more likely to see your posts.

Obsidian