Hi. I'm wondering whether I've found "the one", to spend whats left of my life with. I don't think I've ever been in love with a man before. I've been co dependent, I think, also very needy. I now feel more complete in myself but also I'm not liking this feeling. It is, in my mind, like being trapped in a way. I'm not trapped at all. The man I love is very secure in himself, at times I can see through his walls.

He is a very private person and I'm worried he may be cheating. He gets angry easily because he has been a cannabis smoker for over 40 years. At least that is my observation, when he has run out of his supply and has to wait for another he is very irritable. He has never physically hurt me but realized once last summer that he was close to it, and verbally hurt me with language that he knew would hurt, since I was in an abusive marriage.

The reason I think he may be cheating is, I've known him for about a year and half. He has only one male friend. A few drug dealers as contacts, and one mysterious text message thread on his phone. He quit cigarettes a month ago, but admits he smokes at work. At first he said he went out with the other guy at work because he offered him one and then he changed it. One day I guess he made the mistake of saying "woman" he smokes with. Well, he wont take a smoke from me (I've yet to quit), so, as ridiculous as I may sound I find that to be a sign that something is going on at work. Also he leaves about 45 min early for work, and this text message thread came from someone where he works. If I drop in when I'm not expected he seems extremely irritable and can't wait until I leave.

I guess, I'm wondering whether I'm being reasonable to question things, and whether this man, who is about 10 years older, really loves me. We seem to be beginning to connect more but at the same time he says things that make me wonder if he is going to become controlling. He said things like "I should make MORE RULES for you, like, you can't come over on Sundays anymore".... "How about this, you can't touch my guitars or change the key they are in", "I wont ALLOW you to drop by"

I don't think I'm an idiot, I think these little things will become much bigger. He said he likes fat women, for the first time this weekend, yet he makes comments about good looking well shaped women on tv, "She's sexy"... and "Women with perfect bodies are insecure because they are in a minority"....HUH???? Am I right to think somethings not fitting in this puzzle?