How long can I keep going on about my depression?
How many times can I call T and tell him it's unbearable?
How many times can I tell pdoc how awful I feel and how the meds aren't doing anything?

I write and I talk and I explain.
So what?
It doesn't go away.

My coffee is done, but I don't feel like pouring it.
The %#@&#! toilet got stuck and I don't feel like plunging it.
I have a XMAS list for my husband, most of which I can buy online, but I don't feel like doing it.
In order to do that I need to figure how much money I have-- and in order to do that I need to pay bills-- and in order to do that I need to go through the enormous stack of mail that has accumlated since this started.
I know showers make me feel a little better and I take one everyday, but I don't feel like taking one.
I can't imagine going to work tomorrow and Friday.
I don't want to go back to NY for XMAS.
I feel like I never want to do anything again.

edited to add: uh oh. Now I just looked out the window and boy, do I love snow-- but now my car is getting covered and I don't feel like clearing it off to go to class this evening.

It hurts. Like someone kicked me in the chest.