Mr. Stranger I'm new to your situation but are you seeing a therapist or pdoc? You sound like you're having an exceptionally tough time. You've gotten some excellent advice here but sound too lost inside to take it. I was just wondering if medication or a change of medication could help you. You're not being fair to yourself. It sounds like you are comparing yourself to people who don't have your diagnosis. It's not a level playing field. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Thinking of you....