Aren't the conversations helping? It is often communication that is the biggest hurdle; I think that is why some men get "violent" is because they haven't learned to use words. If your husband is staying up thinking and is talking to you, I'd wait a bit and see where this leads?

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Today, I asked him what had changed, he said I had made him realize some things about himself.

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Change can be slow but if it is steady you all might get there! I wouldn't give up hope yet.