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May 08, 2017, 09:03 AM
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
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I don't know what to do anymore. My work environment triggers me the second I get here every day.
This morning I sat down at my desk and a wave of depression came over me and all of a sudden I'm feeling suicidal. I'm trying so hard to get along, be positive, follow the rules, follow the chain of command...I feel like I'm in a cage...I don't know what I'm allowed to do or not do anymore since I got this new supervisor. And then they make me feel stupid for outright asking.
The anxiety, agitation, paranoia, depression, anger...I can't handle these overwhelming emotions coming from nowhere anymore. I thought I had a good handle on things, but all through April, I just fell apart.
I see my pdoc on Wednesday, but I don't know if I'll still be around for that.
Seesaw
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?
Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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