it's still not quite dawned on me that i'm living life

it still feels like this is just the simulated, practice run

(it's not, but that's what it feels like)

as for fear of living, I have a fear that i'm going to groww old to like 50 or 60, and have nothing to show for my life at all- and that everything will be wasted

and I see it happening in front of me right now.

please just let this be the simulated run...