Mckell, I can see we're very much alike! I don't think our ability to adapt, or change is a weakness, but our instinctual "fixing" of things is. our husbands really do need to find their own way, and all we can do is be here to support them.
My husband is very good at denial, mostly to himself. I think an admission of his behavior patterns to him means he's a failure as a person. I went through my own journey over ten years ago, and had to deal with my issues head on, so that I could learn to like, love and accept myself. It was painful as hell, but ultimately, I know I am mentally healthy and a much better person for it. I also know it's what my husband needs to do if he ever hopes to be a whole, truly happy person. I have learned in the last six years that I can't do it for him, and I think that's the hardest thing when you love someone - wanting to take away their pain, but knowing you can't.
"Mike" has said that he can't do this without me. I think tonight after the kids go to bed, it's about time to ask him what it is he needs. I have done most of the talking, now I think it's time to shut up and listen. I just pray he knows how to communicate what he's thinking.