Hello b_b: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don't know as I have any particular suggestions for you. From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though you probably need to get back with the mental health professionals in your life & just simply start trying some different things again. I know how tiring this can be & how dismal it can make one feel. But, really, it's the only way if one is struggling as much as you appear to be.

I know you wrote you've been contemplating suicide daily. One of the things that happens, when a person becomes suicidal, is that the person's focus narrows to the point where they begin to feel suicide is the only option left them even though it in all likelihood is not. It's important to reach out, in real life, for the help you need. We here on PC can try to be supportive. Thats's a big part of why we're all here. But, as I'm sure you realize, there's a real limit to what can be accomplished on-line.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!