I just survived the most horrible day I can remember. I had been try to keep the anguish at aby, to manage that shaky psychological balance. This morning I woke up and I had to vomit yesterdays dinner... So I was off balance, I had to estimate if staying home alone would hurt more or less than going to work. I had to take decisions...
So I went, and I spent the day twitching my fingers and making small trivial works, totally thrashed by utter desperation.
Now the day is over, my stomach feels better, but my soul is aching badly. No rest tonight. I fear tomorrow: more decisions to make, gloom to crawl into. I'm scared, I'm suffering, and I'm confused.
It's a time when I'll sincerely fall asleep hoping not to wake up anymore.

I can't take it, it's another of my decembers. It always ends up like this: sobbing in the filthy pit.

I know you people care and I know I'm causing frustration to you. The frustration and anger when you can't stop other's pain.
Now I feel tears are coming up. I'll go to the bathroom, I don't want to scare off my family with the sight of an adult crying.

Bye