Well good for you! I suspect you actually have a great capacity to get a lot out of life, if you can just let go of disappointments and fears and move into each opportunity, as it comes along.

You are your mother's only daughter . . . and your father's only daughter. I have a sibling who never got noticed much. My parents seemed to kind of ignore her. Later in life, though, she was the one closest to them. I think you've projected so much fear onto the future . . . that you'll never count . . . that you see this dark, empty picture of what life will always be. You don't realize how, in years to come, there will be so many opportunities for you to mean so much to people, including your brother. He has heartbreaks ahead in life that he and you know nothing about, right now. You are the person who has shared a history with him going back to when he was in a crib. You know him better than just about anyone. In some ways, no one will ever know him as you do. You could be very important to him when life throws the hard challenges his way, which it will. Someday, he'll have marital issues, as every couple since Adam and Eve has had. His kids won't be perfect. They'll get sick, and he'll worry. They'll get in trouble, and he'll get frustrated. His jobs, after he leaves the military, won't all pan out the way he hopes. Sooner or later, something will go wrong in his life. And just when he straightens it out, something else will go wrong. Someday, he'll need surgery, or develop a sickness. That's life, when you get into adulthood. Having a sister who admires him and thinks he's special may be a bright spot in his life when times get a little dark.

You greatly underestimate the power your presence can have over the years. I think life may surprise you. A sibling is someone who is a witness to a person's whole story. That can be very important and valuable. It would be a shame to let that get outweighed by resentments. I have seen siblings completely lose affection for each other over resentment after resentment piling up. You can see it on threads here. People can get into a mindset where they're practically looking for stuff to be mad about. Don't let that be the story of you and your brother. Chose a better story to live, and you can live it.