When we married 24 years ago I was madly in love with him. I was married in an abusive relationship. I left my husband. Divorced him. And got with my current husband. I knew nothing back then about trauma. Therapy. Bpd. OCD. Nothing. I didn't know about his trauma. And I denied mine. In 2010 he had what I call a mid life crisis. We had a young man move into our home. My husband spent every moment with him. This was after 17 years of marriage. Our marriage was good. We fought. But always made up. So. Since 2010 I found out so much I didn't know. My trauma affected me so badly about 2 months ago I was diagnosed with bpd. Two years ago my h told me about sexual abuse against him from ages 3 to 8. It was really bad. It was more than one boy including his older brother. His father was also crazy and an alcoholic. These things came out after his father passed away in 2013. We've been counseling for years. Both individual and marital but not improving. There were questions about his sexuality summer of 2010. It wasn't until 4 years later I found out about his trauma. So. I was seeing a counselor and she was our therapist. She was also our marriage counselor as well. Last week we got into a fight about his yelling and my issue with him using the you pronoun with regards to how I feel. I hate it. It makes me really mad. So I flipped out. So my counselor said. Go to the local nut house. I am 49 years old. Never been in trouble with the law. I pay my bills. I've never even visited jail. The nuthouse place (sorry I don't want to say the real name) is understaffed and very rundown. With my broken foot. I was in hell. Im traumatized by that night. I couldn't go to sleep becasue there were crazy people screaming at garbage cans. I had crutches but I can't carry things with them. So I never got food. They wouldn't give me my medicine. I was scared to death. She put me in there because she claimed I was a danger to myself and others. I NEVER saw a single soul that worked there. So in the morning after texting her for an hour begging her for help due to no food water or medicine. No help and no one to talk to. She said stay. I checked myself out though. Feeling like a criminal. My husband came and got me. He almost had a nervous breakdown. He didn't think I should have been in there either. I fired her. I didn't want to but she recently started a new medication and always asks me questions about her relationship. I feel like I need a more focused therapist. I have a new interview Friday. I have a psychiatrist appointment in August. My husband is in therapy. We are now not doing marital therapy starting this week. His therapist told him he ought to leave me unless I go to a treatment facility. We have a 2 year old we adopted. We do not want to mess her up. So our goals were to get better. But now I'm diagnosed with bpd and he has OCD. Anyway. I'm very calm. I spent the weekend alone. I thought a lot. Read a lot. Prayed. I didn't cry. I was really thinking. I'm still afraid of my therapist. I don't now why she did that. Freaks me out. I still have nightmares about that night. Some of those people should have been restrained. They talked openly about their hallucinations. I've never seen anyone hallucinating before. My husband and I are very stubborn. Intense. We both want to stay married. But neither trusts the other. He jumped on my diagnoses. I didn't deny. But I don't want to be defined by my diagnoses. I am not bpd. I have it. Anyway. Sorry this is so long. I think. Both of our counselors sre t great. Im going to find a new one for me. He's staying with his. We are terrible st communication. Im afraid he will yell so I inevitably screw up due to being scared. Then he yells. I trigger. You know the rest. Thanks.