Dad - the only advice that you are open to is that this is fixable and you can get her back. So go on for another 25 pages of people telling you that, if you become more understanding and accepting, you can possibly get her back. Hey, maybe it'll work out that way. I can't say I know for a fact that it won't. For the sake of those two kids, I'ld love for their parents to work things out and get the family back intact again. That would be the best outcome. And why shouldn't you shoot for that best, ideal outcome? So maybe it's good that you are still full of love and willing to keep hoping and wanting to become a better guy. Maybe that's all good, and you can patiently repair the breech between your wife and you.

I don't know why I feel a need to paint a darker picture for you. I'm asking myself, right now: "Hey, if this guy wants to have hope, who am I to burst his bubble? I could be all wrong. Other posters have been angry at the negativity of my feedback. Maybe they're right."

I still think your wife has got something seriously wrong with her . . . something really wrong with her character. Therapists can help people reach goals they set for themselves, if they are goals that a therapist can ethically feel supportive of. But a therapist can't choose a goal for someone. Therapists can repair serious character deficits. Your wife is already into her 30s, and she has some very wrong ideas about what she has a right to do and what is a fair way to deal with another person. Whatever values she may have, I don't think being fair is one of them. I've said harsh things about her, earlier in this thread, and the more you post about her, the more convinced I am that she has nothing but contempt for you, but she'll dangle you on a string to keep you around as babysitter for those kids and however else you might come in handy.

At any rate, time will tell. Put all the effort you want, for as long as you want, into trying to get your wife back. You have a right to make that your goal and be only interested in what you judge might get you to that goal. Some posters here believe that it's an attainable goal. I do not. I think you're avoiding facing reality.

The larger story of your life is that you've had one marriage fail and a second marriage threatening to fail. There's two ways of accounting for that: One way - supported by your therapist, even - is that you need to learn how to be a better husband. A second way - which I subscribe to - is that you need to be more careful about the kind of women you get involved with.