Hello Many: Unfortunately I don't know as there is much of anything I can offer in terms of help with this beyond suggesting you seek the services of a counselor or therapist. Ultimately I think this is just something you're going to need to have the opportunity to talk through, at length, with a knowledgeable mental health professional. Beyond that the simple passage of time may help too. Hopefully being here on PC can be of some comfort & support as well.

I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!