I don't think you are an idiot at all....just unwell. I sent my doctor some strange emails recently too I think. Lots of emails compared to my normal which is very few. It's embarrassing but I'm sure I'm far from his only patient to do this and I doubt my email is the strangest he's gotten by a long shot. Don't worry, your doc has seen it all I bet. You are just unwell, not stupid. (((Hugs)))