I think a lot of men have a hard time being patient. I think a lot of men like to "fix" things and when it comes to women and emotions they don't know how to "fix" that and they end up getting angry and frustrated and all balled up.

Women want to feel "safe" with a man, and they will actually choose a man whom they feel safe with over a man they are in love with attracted to. I think women know instinctively that the most important thing in a man is that he provides that "safe" feeling. I don't think it's just her "trust" you threatened as much as her feeling "safe". That is what is going to take a lot of time to restore with her, that ability to feel "safe" with you. So, if you think about cards and flowers and I am sorry or cleaning and even taking the children etc., well none of those things provide that "safe" that she lost when she caught you that day.

I am not sure that even "she" realizes this sudden threat to her sense of "safety". But, all her anger and cold looks that you have described is her "anger" because of her loss of that sense of safety. And, she also had to be alone for 9 months which probably made her feel even less safe.

I think men need to learn how to do things for women that help them feel "safe". Things like rubbing a woman's back when she is all tensed up without the expectation of anything else. When I am upset? I just want my husband to sit next to me or stand next to me and rub my back. Men typically have warm hands, and they can do a lot with those warm hands that can help a woman feel "safe" when he is near her, that doesn't mean "ok I need sex now". One of the things I loved the most about my husband was that when we dated and he came to my house and we sat and watched TV, he took my foot and rubbed my feet with his warm hands, it was THE BEST.

Communication isn't always just talking, it's not just about sex either, it's using those warm hands in comforting ways and using a "calm" voice which men have, that calm deep voice when it talks in a comforting tone works wonders and giving a woman that safe feeling. A man should not stand in front of a woman and hold her on each arm standing talking and looking right at her either, did you know that? That is not offering safety, that is too controlling. A woman likes to hold hands when walking with a man, it's about how warm his hands are and how that again brings a woman that sense of safety.

So, you talked about sitting on the bed talking to her, I wonder if she would have liked you to sit next to her, talk in a calm voice, rub her back gently and say, "I understand I hurt your sense of safety, I want to help you feel safe again, I am here and I love you. I am so proud of you for taking some time for yourself and you are going back to school, I think you might be a little nervous about that, but know (as you are rubbing her back) I am here with you and if you feel stressed and worried, we can sit and talk about it while I rub your back for you.

Men have so much to them if only they understood how to use it. Warm hands, a calm soothing voice and patience can do wonders.
Why do you think men are typically "warmer" than women, that women tend to get colder faster then men too. Because that warmth a man has is what women are drawn to, want to sit with and be held because it relaxes a woman and helps her feels "safe".

The uncertainty your wife feels right now? She doesn't know how to feel "safe". That can be a challenge to articulate to a man.