When men learn to become therapists they have to learn "how" to help their patients feel safe. They have to learn how to sit across from a patient in a non-threatening way, almost a submissive way, not aloof, not distracted, but focused on the patient ready to listen and to keep their tone calm and non- threatening. If they have a woman patient and she slowly begins to feel safe, she will most definitely come back and open up more and more. The biggest challenge though is what is called transference. That is when the woman is so relaxed she develops a love attachment to the T. Hmmm, think about that. It's all about the power in "feeling safe". Something to think about, sadly too many men don't understand that and instead get angry, frustrated, and all balled up.

You know, the old style of dancing where men were taught to move the the music, ball room dancing? Well, that was when men were taught how to have a rhythm, hold a woman's hand and waist and he led, she followed. That was something women loved, and actually a lot of men enjoyed it too. But, what women liked is the holding and the warmth that took place in that ball room dancing. And the man led.

In my reading just now this was mentioned a lot.

Give your wife space and let time do the healing. She is going through a huge range of emotions, just as you are. Some days it'll seem clearer to her than others. She may find it easier to talk about it with you sometimes but not other times. All of this is normal and part of the healing process. It is important to not rush or push her into reaching decisions about her feelings or her wants for the future; if she feels pressured, the easiest option may be to give up on you for fear of being controlled or manipulated. Space, time and love are the ingredients for helping her to come around to forgiving you, trusting you and starting anew.