As far as him being controlling, the examples you give in the first post above are not good examples of that, to my mind. I think anybody has a perfect right to say I do not want to be visited on my job. That's boundary setting and he has a right to do that. I would never walk into anyone's place of work without their permission beforehand. (Well, I did with my boyfriend, years ago, when we were fighting, and I was wrong to do that.)

As far as his guitar goes, I think he has a perfect right to say, "I don't want anyone touching my guitar." And he has a right to say when it's okay, or not, for you to drop by where he lives. (Though that goes two ways. I wouldn't have an open-door policy toward a boyfriend who didn't reciprocate.)

Now the shoving is not okay, especially if he does it under your roof. In your home, your are Queen and he is a guest. He has the same obligations there that any guest has visiting anyone. As long as he is maintaining a separate residence, (which you should want him to do) then your place is not his home. Even if it were, shoving's not okay.

I'm not sure where the line is between having a nasty argument and being in an abusive verbal exchange. Often, that can be a very wide fussy line, IMHO. Many people in relationships become mutually abusive from time to time. Some of that is what I would call "having a fight." Here, again, when it's in your home, you get decide what you will, or won't, tolerate. Guests have the option to leave. My policy was: "If you don't like how I act in my home, you know where the door is." It can be very compromising, though, to take money from a guy. Bringing you a bag of groceries might be fine, but you don't want him to be helping you pay the rent. Then he starts thinking your place is his place. It shouldn't be, and that should be clear.

As far as him "loving you," I think you need to ask yourself what evidence is there that he does. Not everyone is into saying, "I love you." all the time, but there are plenty of ways to show love. It's best to assume he doesn't, until there is strong evidence that he does. At some point, he'll should be able to say he does, if he does. Just the fact that someone keeps hanging around is not a reason to suppose, "Well, we've been together this long, so I guess we love each other."

He has a right to be just as private as he wants. But him maintaining an oddly high level of privacy would tell me that he's not committed to me and is keeping his options open. That's his prerogative, but then think of him just as someone you're dating. If he's keeping his options open, then you should be doing the same. If he's basically sleeping at your place every night, then he's pretty much keeping tract of every move you make. I would not let any man keep track of every move I make, if he's clearly making sure I can't keep track of every move he makes. In the latter case, I would say, "Call when you want to spend time with me. Maybe I'll be available, and maybe I won't be." Then I would make it a point to be unavailable from time to time.

You're either "dating" a man, or you're living with him. I think a woman's very foolish to live with a man who hasn't expressed that he wants to be totally committed to her and has decided to offer her that. Otherwise go back to just dating, whereby "We see each other, when we're both in the mood. What we do other times is the personal business of each of us. And neither of us goes to the other person's house uninvited or unexpected."

I see so many threads of unhappy young women who enter into these "trial" living-together arrangements. This completely short-circuits the whole process of possibly falling in love . . . or not. Usually, one party really wants mutual committment, and the other just wants the convenience of having full access to someone, until such time as they might find find something they like better.

You clearly don't trust this guy. I'm not hearing where he does much more than hang around you when it suits him. You shouldn't give a guy the option to do that. You don't let a man feel secure that he can totally count on you, until that is mutual. So tell him you need space and send him home. Let him call you for a date.