I'm fighting with myself. Not sure if that's PTSD. It takes a lot of effort to stay thinking in healthy ways sometimes. I might be past it today, but yesterday I was having doubts about my sanity, or perceptions. I guess no matter what thought pattern I chose to follow, it proved I was not thinking clearly. When I realized that, what's left is that I've been over anxious for too long. I could lose touch with reality if I'm not careful. Then i think about what is reality? It's not the fleeting thoughts and feelings of people, yet those flighty things affect life so much.

I'm okay, yet I need some relief, too. I'm emotional and anxious...and that's one too many for my comfort zone. I start thinking in metaphors. I'm a doll on a shelf that wants to come to life, and when I do, everything is too heavy.

I think I'm feeling like anyone would, but then the feelings hit me places, and I disassociate and start getting images and brain zaps and uncomfortable thoughts. It's all connected somewhere so deep, so long ago? I know I'm going there when it feels like my legs are being dragged and I kick. What am I afraid of??

..when I'm inside, doors locked, anxious, fearing every noise. I'm afraid of what's outside that could get me. I just remembered, I like it outside. When I'm out there in my yard, I actually feel safe. so confusing