Hello Amanda22,

We all have our own perceptions of things. I don't know you, nor the life you have grown up in. I don't know things you have done or things that have been done to you.

But everything I know in this life tells me that every person is worthy of good things to happen to them. This life is hard and crazy things happen to good people; and sometimes good people do crazy things.

Everyone has good worth. Never let anyone tell you different or try to convince you differently.

I dislike a lot of people. But just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you cannot love them.

Let me dive into that with an explanation: I have some family members that I cannot stand, but love them with all my heart. They make horrible decisions that I find disgusting and distasteful. But they are human beings and are flawed - they just handle their flaws differently than I handle mine. While theirs are more apparent mine are kept more subtle.

Amanda - I once felt like a loser. I am now 35 and daydream all the time. I feel bored all the time. I dwell on my past mistakes like they were a drug I am addicted to; then I feel those feelings of regret from those mistakes all over again.

Forgive yourself every day of those mistakes. Say your amends out loud. Do this until you truly feel you have forgiven yourself. Even if it takes you fifty years.

I'm not a psychiatrist or physician. But I could say you are highly depressed.

I don't know the situation with your parents or guardians. But if it is a good relationship you need to express to them how you feel. It is hard to express these things. It might do good to write them all down into a comprehensive letter and read it to them. That way you don't leave anything out. Make sure you include the most intimate of feelings. They may get scared or afraid - expect this. But you need support and need to see a doctor.

You are not alone!

Coming here and reaching out for help and guidance was a beautiful and smart first step. Now your next step needs to be contacting a professional practitioner of medicine and mental help.

You're not a freak. Our bodies are complex and make us feel an entire cornucopia of things - sometimes false things or hurtful things.

Also - as far as being mocked by people. Don't worry about them. People will always talk trash. Usually they are more insecure than you might think and that's why they do it.