Just e-mailed my T (not MC) about something related to this (partly due to something from last MC session), so figured I'd share it here too.

I'm wondering now if my transference for MC is fitting more of a pattern than I realized before. Is he seeing me as the one causing the problems in my life/marriage because I'm the mentally ill/overly sensitive one? And I'm the one who needs to adjust how I am? As people--both authority figures and exes--have in the past?

I guess the difference is that he's not (presumably) going to reject me for those issues, in the sense of termination/forbidding contact...But if that's still how he views me, is it really that much different? Maybe I just need to ask him how he views me, but I'm sort of terrified of the answer. (Though he's said several times that I'm stronger than I think I am, so I guess he doesn't think I'm totally weak.)

Maybe the different ending to the transference (as opposed to past scenarios) isn't just him not abandoning me. Maybe it's me standing up for myself and being like, Maybe I do have some mental health issues and some fears of things like anger. But I can still have those and be a functioning human being. Maybe I don't have to be "fixed" by him/T/myself/anyone after all. Maybe I need to realize that I don't need to be 'fixed' per se...maybe it isn't always me that's the problem. Maybe I don't need to twist my core self around to adapt to how everyone else is.

Maybe it's more about accepting who I am and what my limitations are, along with those of others? That I'll overreact sometimes, but that's OK? Realizing that I'm not going to be perfect--whether the perfect wife, mother, employee, friend, daughter, etc.--and be OK with that?

Does that make sense? I'm not saying I don't have plenty of areas for improvement. But maybe I just need to, as T would say, "reframe things"?

Might bring this up with MC in next session (unless there's more pressing stuff we need to talk about)--I think it's better for a conversation than an e-mail. Just curious for input.