Thanks, JD--it's always helpful to hear about your experiences. I'm thinking from some stuff I read on that site linked above, this is all inner child stuff coming out. And of course, what do I want to do? E-mail MC and be like, "Hey I think this is my inner child stuff coming out" even though I'm sure he's quite aware that's what's going on.

I worry that he'll pull the plug on my e-mailing at some point, even though he reassured me before that he'd let me know if it ever became too much. I think some of this (since I've sent him a lot of e-mail over the past month or so) is almost a test, like, "Is this still OK? This is still OK, right?"

It was like after his wife died, and he was first grieving (I'm sure he still is, but he seems more like himself the past few weeks), he seemed different, changed, less empathic and understanding. Which freaked me out (though was completely understandable because, as he said, of course that's going to change him.). And so I think I sort of put the walls up. But now that he's seeming like himself again, with the empathy and joking around, it's like, to use your terms, "Yay, Daddy's back!" So I almost feel like I'm clinging more tightly in a way because I was scared he (that former, very empathic version of him) was gone permanently. And now I'm scared he'll go away again.

So, I guess I need to talk about all that with him some more. I'd sent him an e-mail a couple weeks ago about it (fearing he'd changed permanently but realizing the "old MC" was still in there), but declined to really discuss it next session, even though he offered (and H was OK with it).

But yeah, him just responding and saying, "Yep, still exist" probably won't help so much because, then, a few hours later, I'll be thinking, "Do you still exist now?"

I want to talk to him about how he suggests I handle it, but again, I don't want him to ban e-mail/texts--I want that to be something I find a way to pull back from on my own. I did manage to not contact him at all last week, so that's something! I feel like it's more forced on me, like what happened with your T--and what my T sort of did at one point--then it won't help as much as if it's me saying, "You know what, I don't need to do this right now." I need to have the other coping mechanisms in place first.

Though I guess you said it's working out for you--though you do get to see him twice a week (I do have T once a week, but that's a different relationship).

I'll stop rambling now! Hope you're hanging in there...