It is hard because you still have to interact because of the children.

Now, what she said to you represents how she feels today. It's very possible that this so called relationship/friendship she had with this other man broke apart and right now she is feeling down and doesn't want either of you in that she is now even more emotionally confused. This is what she is feeling today though. And sometimes when someone says "you have problems", that doesn't necessarily mean she sees you as a bad person etc, but actually could mean "you are a problem in that you threatened my sense of safety'.

IMHO, your wife needs to see a therapist so she can sort through all the emotions. It's not a bad idea if you reached out for some therapy yourself. This way you can work through your own emotions and get yourself together and learn and grow from all of this challenge you are facing right now. This way if you end up in a divorce you will have a therapist to help you through all of that but also learn from your mistakes where if you do end up in another relationship you don't go down the same path. Thirty five is still young so you can learn some things new skills, change your path and improve on how you move forward. Also, if you are in therapy you can get support on how to help your children best so they don't stress and learn too. Truth is not all relationships work out, your age group from what I have read is very challenged in that area.

We are here when you need to share updates and vent.