To add, about controlling who's out-- I'm learning from my T it's so much less about control and so much more about cooperation. If someone is coming out and taking over without cooperation I need to be curious as to why, and work on my fears of getting to know that part. There is _always_ a reason someone is coming out. One of us was coming out at night in a way that upset me and some of the others, but there was a reason. At first I was mad and we had power struggles. Everything got worse. Also, I was afraid of her because she was dealing with things that were just too much for me. Honestly she needed that time she was taking to deal with really hard things, and it took me a while to understand that. It also took trust building. As long as she thought I was going to fight her efforts to comfort herself (us) and cope with our issues as she has always done, she wasn't willing to compromise or work to find new coping skills. After I learned how to be respectful and curious instead of fearful, she started listening to me. Now she doesn't stay up at night like she used to, and she's learning ways to cope that are a lot more functional and less disruptive. And if she goes back to what she used to do I'm not going to get all weird and flip out, either, because I understand, and I know that along with some of the others, we can help her.