This is a tough one to answer.
The only thing I can add is family dynamics, where my big brother took the occasional roles of in-charge and responsible, which also means disciplining us, which also means taking the father role at times. Our father doesn't know how to discipline. His only ways are being emotionally angry, and boy he can be really angry. Hate my father for that, too.

I used to be an open heart, but when I was an open heart, it felt to me my family treated me like a weak fledgling at times. My father would offer me what to take in a restaurant instead of giving me the time to pick. It feels to me love makes me dependent on others and losing strength to do things on my own.