When I was around 11-12 my parents went through a pretty messy divorce caused by his mental health issues and alcoholism. It was around this time I suspect that my Bipolar began to manifest itself, all in all, a messy period of my life.
Also around this time, I began to have very strong feelings that I identified as being female rather than male, but being the early 90's it wasn't really a topic for discussion. Instead I would spend evenings and weekends dressed as a girl and this continued up until present day. There is a feeling of comfort and steadiness in being dressed like that. When I was around 14-15 I read that the female contraceptive pill if taken by males, would result in breast growth and I attempted this by stealing the pill from my sister. Alas at 34 the only breasts I have are as a result of a lack of exercise rather than anything else.
Recently the Bipolar has caused my life to collapse around me, and I realise I need to confront and understand many issues, and this gender issue is one of them. I spoke briefly to a psychiatrist about it and whilst he was very forward thinking and said that gender is a fluid concept, he didn't really give me any answers.
I accept that I am living my life as a male, and I will continue to do so, but I'd be interested to hear how people have lived their lives with these feelings as I'm trying to work out how to rebuild and go forward with my life from here.