Quote:
Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian
Well, having a brother act as a vice of a father who emotionally expresses stronger hate than love is. It's hard seeing him as a brother. We also had a family decay overtime, both outside of home and on the inside, at least in my case.
I have my times when I'm shut down while my family is talking actively. I once told my mother I find it disappointing I can be silent or in a bad mood and they can just keep on talking and laughing like nothing is going on. She told me "What, so we have to be sad just because you're sad?"
I am the emotional trash of the family - the most angry emotions come to me. You have no idea how much anger I feel right now as I am writing this. My family doesn't truly care about me, or I am just so detached from them
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Ok - thank you ❤
Now I think I understand a bit. In ways, I can relate to you - after Mom died (I was 12) and Dad remarried (I was 14), Dad shut down any emotions toward me and my stepmom only displayed love to her girls and my Dad - so, I was left "in the cold".
This is the part where you and I go different. I - chose to try to find a way to make sure I was loved ... boyfriend and i planned my pregnancy (selfish decision though and it got all messed up, don't recommend it). You, chose to bottle it all in and turn it into anger, hatred, and resentment. Neither decision by us was healthy. Neither of our circumstances are or were healthy. But...we still have the power to correct things for ourselves so we can be happy.
The important thing to remember here though is .. you cannot change others, nor should you try - it will only lead you to frustration and other negative emotions.
You can change yourself. You can change your actions. You can change how and what you think. You can change your beliefs. By changing n controlling these things, you also can change and control your emotions.
I can help you figure it out if you like. What is your age though? I am 42 now, so I have been able to remove myself from a lot of what was hurting me and such...