Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Ok - thank you ❤
Now I think I understand a bit. In ways, I can relate to you - after Mom died (I was 12) and Dad remarried (I was 14), Dad shut down any emotions toward me and my stepmom only displayed love to her girls and my Dad - so, I was left "in the cold".
This is the part where you and I go different. I - chose to try to find a way to make sure I was loved ... boyfriend and i planned my pregnancy (selfish decision though and it got all messed up, don't recommend it). You, chose to bottle it all in and turn it into anger, hatred, and resentment. Neither decision by us was healthy. Neither of our circumstances are or were healthy. But...we still have the power to correct things for ourselves so we can be happy.
The important thing to remember here though is .. you cannot change others, nor should you try - it will only lead you to frustration and other negative emotions.
You can change yourself. You can change your actions. You can change how and what you think. You can change your beliefs. By changing n controlling these things, you also can change and control your emotions.
I can help you figure it out if you like. What is your age though? I am 42 now, so I have been able to remove myself from a lot of what was hurting me and such...
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(Venting, too)
I'm 22 years old.
As for bottling up, I'm sorry but I can't see this as a choice, but more of a no choice, because of fear which is not my fault and not knowing ways or having enough strength to deal with such situations because people just LOVE to deprive others of energy!
I swear, whenever I am home I am sluggish. I've been sitting for 40 minutes at my room doing hardly a thing. I'll try my best to get up and go to a nearby music college.
Because of the situation I'm in, I feel like in an uncertain situation about everything.
The time has come to study at a university and get at least a Bachelor's degree. I licensed to a nearby university, but thought of going to a far away university to complete my puberty. Yes, I said puberty. Why? Could never maintain and enjoy a romantic relationship, could never enjoy friendships. Why? Because of the anger and burdens taken by family dynamics, which have lead to increasing depression and relationship issues.
My big brother tells me our father LOVES us. He's exaggerating, and he's not an example of good self-esteem either.