Don't be surprised if, a week from now, she says that she might not file for divorce.

Probably most people whose marriages fall apart would like to be able to say, "I didn't leave my spouse. My spouse left me." (My boyfriend was divorced when I met him, and that distinction was very important to him. He didn't want the divorce, but his wife did.) Also, individuals generally want to say that the marriage failed because the other party just made it impossible to continue in the marriage. Your wife, like anyone in her position, is sensitive to being seen as having two failed marriages.

I believe she had decided to end this marriage long ago and has been acting undecided to try and manipulate you into bad behavior that she could point to and say, "See what a louse my husband is. How can anyone expect me to stay with him?" She wants to be the victim. But you haven't gone bererk and behaved badly. You haven't precipitated any major drama that she could get all indignant about. So, I think she's gotten bored with waiting to see what you were going to do. So she makes this announcement, and she's watching to see the effect.

Doing the 180 and not overly responding to anything - and even being nonresponsive - is probably very sensible. You give her nothing to make hay out of.

Any suggestion that her behavior can all be explained by the past incident of you texting another woman is beyond what I can swallow. But, of course, it doesn't make you look good, so she'll use it.

Your idea, expressed repeatedly in this thread, that you could have held onto your wife, if only you were a better man, rings false to me also. Far worse men than you have women who are utterly devoted to them. Hitler had Eva. I'ld say few men are alone in this world because they just couldn't find a woman who'ld put up with them. What women will put up with is quite astonishing. So, yeah, be the best person you can be and improve yourself however you can. We should all be doing that. But consider that, for your future happiness, you may need to be wiser and smarter about how you select a woman to be with. Stay away from women who are too much in need of a man to take them out of a situation they want to get out of. For women like that, you'll only be a stepping stone. I don't know your wife's history, but I suspect it might reflect a narrative like that.