I spent last weekend at a Sufi seminar at a lake house, where I lived in close quarters with 7 other women, the sole male who attended, and the male workshop leader.

I didn't much care for his methods. I am more interested in seminars that lead me deeper into prayer. He was spouting communication theory that is at least 3 decades old and leading in a confrontational, encounter group kind of way.

I figured if I didn't like his way of doing things, I should absent myself, and for some sessions I did. In one session where I was sitting, he said before everyone that I was not participating, that I hang on the edges of the group.

This hurt like swallowing a hot chile pepper whole.

This has been my shame for so long. I remember over-hearing my father tell my mother when I was in junior high school that "Our daughter is a loner." When I go to professional conferences, I marvel at how others are able to form attachments so easily, babbling about virtually anything with people they hardly know.

My Ts have explained that I am an introvert. We are a minority & need time to refresh ourselves after being with people. Extroverts are energized by being with people.

Nonetheless, I felt as if my Great Secret Shame had been revealed to everyone. As soon as he went out for a smoke, I left the group to be alone and pray.

Eventually, I could see that his statement -- even if it was intended to embarrass me, and I don't know for sure that it was -- is just a statement. It's only a negative trait if I make it to be so.

I was able for the first time to be okay with being an introvert. I've done what I can to develop communication strategies to compensate -- but it's likely I may always seem a bit odd to the 80+ percent of the population who are extroverts. Society also needs people who hang back, carefully consider the direction being taken by the majority, don't rush to jump on the bandwagon.

With hindsight, I wish I'd said: "So what? I hang back. What of it?"
It doesn't matter though, because this self-acceptance is so deep that the next time someone tries to make me feel "less than" for this, I now have the inner strength to say, "You're right. Extroversion ain't me, babe. What of it?"

Of course, there may still be times when I wish that I were able to mix more easily. Just as I may wish to look like Raquel Welsh and be as sophisticated as Audrey Hepburn. Yet, there is a gift in accepting who I am and am not. It has taken me most of my life to feel okay in a deep way with being an outsider. So this is grand epiphany for me.