It's been a while, so I don't know if you will see my message or not (I just noticed that this thread had continued past where I'd read last).
You are not f...up. The situation you are in is very very confusing for anyone who cares about their relationship. I'd like to straight out tell you, yes, without a doubt he's gay, but you get different opinions and this only leads to more confusion for you. I guess the important thing to focus on would be the health of the relationship, although you might want to worry about protecting yourself too, I hate to say.

Be gentle with yourself. There's nothing easy about leaving a relationship, especially an abusive one. Usually when we accept abusive relationships, it's because of all the messages we were given growing up, and you can't just simply erase those things.

I hope you could relate to what I was saying, and that I wasn't just babbling about my past experience.